Homework, HTML & Hardware

I am going NUTS trying to work on this blog re-do, re-design, re-everything. There's a problem with mapping my new blog domain to my new blog platform and when I inquired of technical support their response was that "it's a bug in our system." YOU THINK? You can't map a domain to other nameservers and YOU THINK there's a bug in your system? Holy hell, people. 

And then there's the whole theme editing and html stuff and what do you mean I have to use HTML to change the font? Or upgrade. And how come the new font only shows up on half the blog post? And a Gravatar? And Favicon? And, so, yeah, that. Going nuts.

And I was on a business trip to my company HQ in San Francisco last week (where I got to spend 2 days in a conference room with no less than 5 stinky sales men at any given time. Lucky, lucky me). 

And my oldest son AND my husband started school on Monday. My youngest doesn't start until Tuesday next week so I have to work from home while the hubby is gone to school some mornings. You know, so my youngest doesn't burn the house down playing with matches or decide to scale the roof or something.

And my work laptop decided to crap out last week while in San Francisco. Perfect place for it to happen though; my IT guy there worked on it all day. It should be good as new. Should be. Except now I can't get on my home wi-fi network. Which makes working from home rather difficult.

This too shall pass. This too shall pass.

I will get this damn blog stuff figured out. Even if it means transferring registrars and begging and pleading for help with the html. The work laptop stuff will get figured out too. That's why we have IT guys. And little one will be in school next week and we'll get back into the school routine. 

It always works out. Everything always works out. It's just an absolute bitch to get there. 

In the meantime, here's my guy on his first day:

First day of 4th grade

He loved it. He called me at work when he got home to tell me it was great and his first homework assignment was to eat Oreos and then write about it. His teacher obviously knows how to win over her students. 

Okay, as I was writing this missive I took a break to go outside and get the mail. Little Bubba decided to come with me and ride his bike. He has a very little bike because for quite some time he's been too scared to ride without training wheels. Just last week we took the training wheels off and he hopped on and rode like a champ. Like he's been doing it all his life. But the bike is so small that his knees come up to the handle bars.

So I said, "hey, little dude, try out your brother's bike and see how you like it."

At first he didn't want to try, but he's a good kid and he likes new things so he agreed to try. Here's the result:

I have to go buy a new big boy bike now. SMH. 


Ta!

What in the H - E - double hockey sticks is wrong with me??

I can't get any freakin' work done! I don't wanna. 

I don't wanna pay the bills.

I don't wanna work on the stinkin' IEP paperwork. Seriously, kill.me.now. 

I don't wanna wash the dishes or fold the laundry.

I don't wanna do my work work. Even when I'm at work. Cuz, you know, I'm kinda over this whole working for living thing. I wanna be home with my babies - see. (Who aren't babies, but they're MY babies so, whatever).

I wanna write. I wanna be creative. I wanna bake stuff. 

I wanna read blogs and play on Twitter all day and marvel at all the awesome women out there. Can't I get paid (an exorbitant amount) to do that? Why not?

It's 8 pm - do you think the kids have noticed they haven't had dinner yet? I don't hear yelling, screaming, or painful starvation moans. In any case, I need to get my freakin' arse off the internets and do something productive. 

SO THERE. 

BYE. 

(I'll be back - don't worry. I knew you were worrried). 

P.S. I CAN say hell. See? Hell. But H - E - double hockey sticks is more fun, don't you agree?

Why isn't it Friday?

I have seriously lived a week in 2 days. Now, I consciously know that it isn't Friday yet, but I just feel it should be considering everything that's gone on the last few days. But then I thought, "At least it's Wednesday. Only 2 more days." Dude, it's Tuesday. TUESDAY. 3 more days. 3. 

See, the problem is my work. It's different this week and that throws me off. We have 2 clients visiting. One from Brasil (as he tells me to spell it) and the other from Argentina. The one from Argentina doesn't speak great English and, I think, understands even less. Fun. The one from Brasil speaks Portuguese, English fairly well (except for the occasional, "uh, uh, how you say _____"), and some Spanish. Today I spent 6 hours talking. Like non-stop. Tomorrow we have another half day, at least, with them. 

The thing is, it's just constantly being with them, entertaining, socializing, being positive and blah, blah, blah. My people bucket gets too full. We spent hours out to dinner last night. Tonight I had to go to a school function for Bubba. My people bucket has runneth-the-hell-over.

Buenos noches amigos. Hasta mañana!

A half-baked idea is okay as long as it's in the oven.

Do I shirk my duties and dive into the blog thoughts swirling around in my head? I could literally write volumes right now if given the proper time and space to sit and think it all through. 

Alas, that's not even an option! Too much freakin' work.

I got home from my trip very late on Friday night, or extremely early Saturday morning - depending on your point of view. I was delayed an extra 6 hours in the Denver airport after sprinting to my gate only to find out I missed my connection. Also, I DON'T SPRINT. I don't even jog. Seriously. I think I almost died. But then I had to spend 6 more hours there and I truly knew what death was.

Oh.My.Goodness.Was.I.Bored.

Spotty internet connection and limited charging capabilities meant I couldn't stay online or watch a movie to bide the time. I read some but I was completely distracted. Too many people hustling and bustling all over the place.

Saturday morning I woke up stiff and sore. I sort of decided then and there to take the rest of the weekend off. We celebrated the hubby's 41 years young, I hung out with the boys and caught up on some of my Tivo'd stuff. 

Back to the grind today and, wow, do I have a lot to do. Plus, at home, there's so much kid STUFF to deal with - Invention Convention, dentist appointments, IEP appointments, Katie Beckett Applications, laundry, lunch money, etc. I feel like I might never come up for air.

When I do, indeed, come up for air then I hope to put together some great blog posts around what I've been reading. I'm absolutely loving Elizabeth Gilbert's Committed. I seriously want to take a highlighter and go back through and mark all the poignant passages. In fact, I think I may do just that.

If you are married you should read this book. If you are thinking about getting married you should read this book. If you are divorced you should read this book. If you at any point in your life plan to live in a committed relationship you should read this book. No lie. 

The thing is - it's all the stuff we learn after 10-15 years of marriage. It's the distance and experience. The plain 'ole knowledge we don't have when we are all in L.O.V.E. and dying to get married RIGHT.THIS.MINUTE. 

It's the things our mothers (some of them) or our grandmothers (a lot of them) went through and thought about and dealt with without actually giving it a name. They just lived it. Sucked it up and dealt with it. It's the angst wives go through - the sacrifices, challenges, juggling we all do and learn to deal with some way, some how. It's all about finding that happy medium for us "modern" wives.

More to come.

Don't forget your doubt

I have a story for you.

(I love to tell stories. They are the patchwork of our life-quilts). 

As you read here, I have insecurities. Those insecurities are a big part of why I haven't shared this blog with a wide audience. I'm testing the overall response, but I'm also finding my blog voice (if you know what I mean). I want to see what value, what information, what anecdotes (that are relevant), that I can share with an audience. Will I be funny/witty or serious/educational? I hope to be somewhere in between. 

I'm slightly introspective. Perhaps you can't tell.

Here's the story part. My boss and I are sort of friends. As much as bosses/employees can be that are male/female without any hanky-panky going on.

To be clear: no hanky or panky occurs - at all - ever.

I had not mentioned my blog to him. It's something I normally would have mentioned but I felt odd about it.

One of my boss's favorite activities is to psychoanalyze why people do and say the things they do. He's a student of human nature and figuring out what makes people tick is something he and I both think about and enjoy. (Woe to our co-workers, right? Ha! Not really - we're more theoretical.)

He was recently gone on a trip and we were really busy immediately before and after that so we hadn't had a chance to just chat in a while. Last week I went into his office and he said, "tell me a story." 

So, I told him. 

I told him I started this blog last year and how I felt about it. I told him about Joni's blog and how it had influenced me (good and bad) and I told him about connecting with Joni and the blog she wrote on sisterhood.

So my boss said to me, "Why are you so nervous about this? You're telling me this very hesitantly. Why?" Why, indeed?

Well, because I don't want to be judged! I am trying to get over that though. I mean, part of blogging is being real, right? Putting yourself out there - telling stories - and hoping they resonate with other people. I need to be brave and stop worrying about being judged. I'm trying.

In the end my boss was very encouraging. He pushed me to keep doing it and to really think about an overall message. What I want to convey. What's the point to my stories. Confound the man. (Let's see: empowerment, honesty, sisterhood? I'm thinking along these lines. Work in progress. Moving on.) 

The next day when my boss came in to work he sent me the following lyrics to an Avett Brothers' song, Weight of Lies:

I once heard the worst thing
A man could do is draw a hungry crowd
Tell everyone his name in pride and confidence
But leave out his doubt

He said he had been thinking about how Joni's blog made me feel and then what Joni had written about in regard to sisterhood. He said he went back and listened to this song and the words clicked. 

We should show our insecurities as well as our strengths. Be real. We can't create an emotional connection through shared experiences without admitting our insecurities and our doubts. Everybody has them and that is where we have the power to bond.

So this is my promise to you: I will always be real.

(And I'll work on being brave too).

My warring dualities

I am a full-time working mom with a fairly demanding job. I work until 6:30-7 (or later) every night. Most nights when I get home I clean the kitchen and make dinner and help with homework if needed. Or, like last night, assist in the filling out, folding, stuffing, and stickering of Valentine's. Then there's the whole getting the kids ready for bed thing. The hubby freaks out if the kids' room is messy at night so it has to be picked up. Every. Night. Then sometimes I'll sit down at my desk and work even more.

This is my daily life. 

But some days, like today, I get to enjoy the other side of me that I don't get to tap into very often during the working day. I got be a mom, just a mom, for a while this afternoon. It was wonderful. 

My little guy was diagnosed as High-Functioning Autistic as well as ADHD a couple years ago. It wasn't a shock - we knew it was something. My 3rd grader is ADHD too; the hubby and most of his family are as well so I suppose it's no surprise that the kids inherited that gene. Back to Jamie, my bubba - he's really the cutest kid. Sweet and so loving. He's my little cuddle-bug. He's learning so much. Maybe we have always low-balled him because of the Autism, but when he does something well (that is learning level appropriate) we are just ecstatic. Maybe it's because we're scared he's going to go backwards instead of forwards. Each time he reaches a milestone we are over the moon. 

He can seem normal. Sometimes he acts like any other 1st grader. But there are definitely situations we have to deal with more carefully than we would with our other son. Like when we know that his class will be doing something out of the ordinary we have to prepare him for it in advance. Talk it up to him several times and make him aware of everything that's going to happen. Sometimes I think we forget to do that as much as we should. 

It really shouldn't have been a surprise when he started being belligerent and difficult this morning. Right before leaving to go to school he got very upset because he didn't like the way his hair looked and started insisting that it be parted the other way and beating his own head with the brush. I soothed him as best I could, and then I left to take the 3rd grader to school before going on to work. The hubby called 30 minutes later and said it took him 20 minutes to get Jamie calmed down and into his class (tardy, of course). I thought, oh boy, that does not bode well for the rest of the day.

So I called the school to find out when Jamie's class party was going to be. Then I looked at my schedule and decided I could make it work. I left the office at 2:30 and, oh, I can't tell you how liberating it was! (I swear I would be an awesome stay at home mom. I would, I really, really would.) Jamie was SO excited when I walked into class. I got to watch him interact with his friends and play games and he did it all so well! You wouldn't have known he was different. My heart swelled.

When the party was over we picked up the 3rd grader and decided to get a Redbox family movie to watch on this lovely Friday night. As I was driving down the road at 4 pm with my kids chattering in the backseat I must say I was as happy as I have ever been. Oh, we have problems aplenty and I like working . . . but, really, none of that mattered at that moment. 

Yes, I would be a very good stay at home mom indeed.

Cathy

I overslept this morning. It's true, it happens. My alarm didn't wake me up because I'm blessed with having a very curious 6 year old who likes to fiddle with things - like the volume knob on my clock radio. I prefer to think that he just knows when his mommy needs a little more sleep. 

But this morning, when I sleepily turned over and focused my eyes on the clock to see 7:54 am, I wasn't thinking, "Oh, an extra hour of sleep - bless him!" I was thinking, "ACK!! I have a meeting in an hour!!" Jumped up, turned the shower on and did all those first thing in the morning things. As I was lathering up in the shower I kept thinking, "Ack! I hate being rushed!" Then it hit me - I'm SO Cathy this morning!! Remember Cathy? Then the situation just turned comical and I laughed! What's the point of getting all irritated?

I showered, make-uped, and dressed in record time and at 8:35 walked into the kitchen. The hubby (bless him!) had jumped up when I did and gotten the kids up, dressed and they were breakfasting when I walked in. To my 6 year old bubba I said, "Did you turn the sound knob on mommy's radio?" 

Here's the best part, are you ready?

"I didn't do it!! I think it was a thief. He broke in and he did it." 

Yes, baby, it was a thief.