Homework, HTML & Hardware

I am going NUTS trying to work on this blog re-do, re-design, re-everything. There's a problem with mapping my new blog domain to my new blog platform and when I inquired of technical support their response was that "it's a bug in our system." YOU THINK? You can't map a domain to other nameservers and YOU THINK there's a bug in your system? Holy hell, people. 

And then there's the whole theme editing and html stuff and what do you mean I have to use HTML to change the font? Or upgrade. And how come the new font only shows up on half the blog post? And a Gravatar? And Favicon? And, so, yeah, that. Going nuts.

And I was on a business trip to my company HQ in San Francisco last week (where I got to spend 2 days in a conference room with no less than 5 stinky sales men at any given time. Lucky, lucky me). 

And my oldest son AND my husband started school on Monday. My youngest doesn't start until Tuesday next week so I have to work from home while the hubby is gone to school some mornings. You know, so my youngest doesn't burn the house down playing with matches or decide to scale the roof or something.

And my work laptop decided to crap out last week while in San Francisco. Perfect place for it to happen though; my IT guy there worked on it all day. It should be good as new. Should be. Except now I can't get on my home wi-fi network. Which makes working from home rather difficult.

This too shall pass. This too shall pass.

I will get this damn blog stuff figured out. Even if it means transferring registrars and begging and pleading for help with the html. The work laptop stuff will get figured out too. That's why we have IT guys. And little one will be in school next week and we'll get back into the school routine. 

It always works out. Everything always works out. It's just an absolute bitch to get there. 

In the meantime, here's my guy on his first day:

First day of 4th grade

He loved it. He called me at work when he got home to tell me it was great and his first homework assignment was to eat Oreos and then write about it. His teacher obviously knows how to win over her students. 

Okay, as I was writing this missive I took a break to go outside and get the mail. Little Bubba decided to come with me and ride his bike. He has a very little bike because for quite some time he's been too scared to ride without training wheels. Just last week we took the training wheels off and he hopped on and rode like a champ. Like he's been doing it all his life. But the bike is so small that his knees come up to the handle bars.

So I said, "hey, little dude, try out your brother's bike and see how you like it."

At first he didn't want to try, but he's a good kid and he likes new things so he agreed to try. Here's the result:

I have to go buy a new big boy bike now. SMH. 


Ta!

Thankful Thursday: I'm thankful for PTO

PTO?? Paid Time OFF. Thank heaven, Allah, Gaia, the sun, and Maude (whoever she is) for paid time off. Time off? And my bills still get paid? Awesome. 

What makes PTO so awesome? Let's see:

Because of PTO, on a Thursday, I slept in until 7:45 this morning.

Because of PTO I get to stay home with my little guy on his first 2 days of summer break.

Because of PTO I have a couple extra days to think through some work stuff that's got me all discombobulated.

Because of PTO I sat down and played the new Lego Pirates of the Caribbean video game with my son this afternoon. And I might go take a soak in a bath. On a Thursday afternoon. All because of PTO. 

Because of PTO, on a Thursday afternoon, I'm writing a blog post and watching my boy ride his bike outside my office window. 

What is that saying? You have to relax to reload? I'm going to relax. Today, tomorrow, Saturday and Sunday.

Off to take my bubble bath now. Thank you, PTO, thankyouveryveryverymuch.

Slacky McSlackerton here

Hi, it's me. Remember me? I used to try to post a couple times a week but lately not so much and I feel badly about it. There is life happening here, you see. And life takes precedence over blogging. It must otherwise I wouldn't have anything to blog about, right? 

It's after midnight on a school/work night and I'm going to have to make this brief. And full of pics. Instagram, to be more specific. Because I can't find my real camera again. For reals. I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME. *sigh* Moving on. 

So these things have been happening:

We had a mini-twister hit our backyard. It was the weirdest thing. Knocked one tree down, and lifted and twisted a small tree nearly off its stump. And killed a duck. Sad. So this is the big tree that fell:

It leaned like that for a week before we got a tree service out to chop it down. For mucho moolah, might I add. Grr. But they left the rounds for us so we can use them as firewood next year. Can I just say that's some pretty dang expensive firewood?

Since the weather has finally started to get Spring/Summer-like we've also been doing a lot of work in the yard. We've planted a few plants and have just been cleaning up some of the beds. I love that my kids get involved now so much more than they used to. I took this 2 days ago and the light was just perfect (you can see our oldest sweeping on the right):

We've also had a lot of this going on:

But this Saturday was the first time he actually made it home during a game so it was monumental. He has batted last in his previous two games, but on yesterday's game he batted first. He's doing great and getting better each game/practice we have:

I love that pic. Great light. But, because of that light I developed a sunburn. Unexpected and weird. I was wearing a cap and v-neck t-shirt so I have half a face sunburn and v-shaped redness on my chest. Weird. (I won't torture you with that pic.)

After that game was over yesterday the rest of the weekend was about getting ready for my sister's visit. My (step)sister from Australia, to be more specific.

She's awesome. I first met her in '98 and I've seen her maybe 2 or 3 times since then. The funny thing is, she went to my high school 5 years ahead of me but I never knew her. I didn't meet her until after her mom & my dad had been together for quite some time because she had moved to Australia. She met an Aussie in SLO in the early 90's and followed him back to AU and stayed. I like her a lot and we get along great. I wish I had known her a long time ago. Not that I wish my parents had split earlier than they did, but it would have been cool to have an older sister like her. She has a pretty awesome husband and two kids as well. Every time the kids speak I think they are going to sound like Americans and then they sound totally Australian and it's too freakin' cute.

So, interesting side note, my sister worked at the Australia Zoo with The Crocodile Hunter, Steve Irwin, and his wife, Terri. Terri is an American - she's from Oregon - and she and my sister became friends. My sister has always been an animal NUT and the Zoo was an ideal place for her to work. Don't believe me? BAM!:

That's my sister feeding Harriet - a 166 year old tortoise.

So the cool thing about their visit tonight is that our husbands never met before and we hadn't met their son (though my sister and her daughter were here a couple years ago). I was excited.

I got up Sunday morning and did a few things in the yard and then started the food prep for 10 of us. We were going to BBQ, but my husband has had performances (he's an actor) both afternoons this weekend so a lot of the prep was left in my hands and it was a LOT of freakin' work. I started the food prep about noon and didn't finish until 4 pm. At which point I still needed to clean the house and shower before they got here at 6:30. I started to PANIC. Then I died. No, not really. Just felt like I might.

Food prep consisted of marinating both chicken & beef for kebabs, cutting up and marinating all the vegetables, making a greek spinach, feta & pasta salad with a homemade dressing, making a fruit salad and strawberry cheese fruit dip, and making cookies. 4 flippin' hours, people, with nary a break - except to make lunch for the kids and occasionally play referee to their bickering:

But, thankfully, it all turned out lovely and oh so yummy:

And my boys got to play with their Australian boy cousin for the first time - as only boys do:

Once the wrestling stopped we got the older girl cousin to sit down with the stinky boys and we clicked a few pics of them:

Love it! Love them. Great night with fun people. Now I'm utterly exhausted and apparently I have to go to work tomorrow. Really? Because I feel like I've been working all bloody weekend. I guess it's not the same. 

Off to la-la-land for me. G'day, mate!

What in the H - E - double hockey sticks is wrong with me??

I can't get any freakin' work done! I don't wanna. 

I don't wanna pay the bills.

I don't wanna work on the stinkin' IEP paperwork. Seriously, kill.me.now. 

I don't wanna wash the dishes or fold the laundry.

I don't wanna do my work work. Even when I'm at work. Cuz, you know, I'm kinda over this whole working for living thing. I wanna be home with my babies - see. (Who aren't babies, but they're MY babies so, whatever).

I wanna write. I wanna be creative. I wanna bake stuff. 

I wanna read blogs and play on Twitter all day and marvel at all the awesome women out there. Can't I get paid (an exorbitant amount) to do that? Why not?

It's 8 pm - do you think the kids have noticed they haven't had dinner yet? I don't hear yelling, screaming, or painful starvation moans. In any case, I need to get my freakin' arse off the internets and do something productive. 

SO THERE. 

BYE. 

(I'll be back - don't worry. I knew you were worrried). 

P.S. I CAN say hell. See? Hell. But H - E - double hockey sticks is more fun, don't you agree?

The best you that you can be

Every day when I drop my oldest at school I tell him, "Remember, be the best Poohbear you can be today, ok?"

To his credit he doesn't sigh or roll his eyes (maybe 8 (almost 9) is too young for that), but he says, "Okay Mom! Love you!" and bounds out of the car with nary another thought for me or the message I'm trying to impart.

As I drive away, I often think about all the good things I want for him (to be honest, I often think of Starbucks and how conveniently located it is to his school as well).

What does that mean - be the best you that you can be? Let's think about that for a minute.

Does it mean to be kind, understanding and attentive to others? Yes, obviously.

Does it mean to listen and learn and be present (in all senses of the word) to what happens during the course of the day? Yes, absolutely.

That's what I want for him - my clever, cute, quirky son.

If I turn that around and put the focus on myself - what does that mean for me? My expectations for myself extend far beyond the expectations I have for my son.

Am I being the best Stef - mom, wife, woman - that I can be? The answer is a resounding NO.

These are the steps I think I need to take to get there. Bear in mind this list may be revised. Often.

1. Health. I need to work on my health. I don't know if I am brave enough to go into more detail than that, here - yet - but I need the strength, the confidence, the determination, support and encouragement to do it. Please. I'm starting already - baby steps.
2. Outlook. Positivity. Glass half full-ness. Looking on the bright side. Finding the silver lining. Because, when it comes down to it, does bitching about something help? At all? The negativity weighs me down and I'm not having it anymore. Dunzo.
3. Self-awareness and positive personal growth. Focusing on the me-ness. Really knowing who I am - what makes me tick, sets me off, calms me down, etc. What I excel at and what I suck at. Then embracing the me-ness and the stuff I love about me. This blog is going a long way towards that goal.
4. Love. Give it all, to everyone, in abundant boundless bundles. To my family, to my friends, to strangers. I don't know anything, any situation, any problem - ANYTHING - that isn't improved with a little love and a big, open heart.

So that's it. For now. That's my challenge to myself.

Tomorrow, when you check your face in the mirror - at home, driving to work, or in a passing car window reflection - just pause for a second and ask yourself, "Am I being the best me that I can be?" I hope the answer is yes; if not, make your own list and get on with it, sister!

A half-baked idea is okay as long as it's in the oven.

Do I shirk my duties and dive into the blog thoughts swirling around in my head? I could literally write volumes right now if given the proper time and space to sit and think it all through. 

Alas, that's not even an option! Too much freakin' work.

I got home from my trip very late on Friday night, or extremely early Saturday morning - depending on your point of view. I was delayed an extra 6 hours in the Denver airport after sprinting to my gate only to find out I missed my connection. Also, I DON'T SPRINT. I don't even jog. Seriously. I think I almost died. But then I had to spend 6 more hours there and I truly knew what death was.

Oh.My.Goodness.Was.I.Bored.

Spotty internet connection and limited charging capabilities meant I couldn't stay online or watch a movie to bide the time. I read some but I was completely distracted. Too many people hustling and bustling all over the place.

Saturday morning I woke up stiff and sore. I sort of decided then and there to take the rest of the weekend off. We celebrated the hubby's 41 years young, I hung out with the boys and caught up on some of my Tivo'd stuff. 

Back to the grind today and, wow, do I have a lot to do. Plus, at home, there's so much kid STUFF to deal with - Invention Convention, dentist appointments, IEP appointments, Katie Beckett Applications, laundry, lunch money, etc. I feel like I might never come up for air.

When I do, indeed, come up for air then I hope to put together some great blog posts around what I've been reading. I'm absolutely loving Elizabeth Gilbert's Committed. I seriously want to take a highlighter and go back through and mark all the poignant passages. In fact, I think I may do just that.

If you are married you should read this book. If you are thinking about getting married you should read this book. If you are divorced you should read this book. If you at any point in your life plan to live in a committed relationship you should read this book. No lie. 

The thing is - it's all the stuff we learn after 10-15 years of marriage. It's the distance and experience. The plain 'ole knowledge we don't have when we are all in L.O.V.E. and dying to get married RIGHT.THIS.MINUTE. 

It's the things our mothers (some of them) or our grandmothers (a lot of them) went through and thought about and dealt with without actually giving it a name. They just lived it. Sucked it up and dealt with it. It's the angst wives go through - the sacrifices, challenges, juggling we all do and learn to deal with some way, some how. It's all about finding that happy medium for us "modern" wives.

More to come.

Stef's Random Thoughts

• Dude, it totally snowed yesterday! Finally. We haven't had snow since the first week of December - even when the rest of the U.S. was snowed in. Just enough on the ground this morning to make everything look a little prettier, a little brighter, and enough to make the commute interesting. 
• I am actively making an effort to leave the office by 6 pm every night. I did last night, and was rewarded with this gorgeous sunset on the snowy foothills:

 

• Last night I finally sat down and filled out the 15 page assessment called a SIB-R (Scales of Independent Behavior-Revised) for Jamie. The purpose of the SIB-R is to assess adaptive and maladaptive behavior to determine need for assistance. The school psychologist will provide his own assessment and, from those and the diagnoses we have received from doctors, we will officially change Jamie's status from developmentally delayed to Autistic & ADHD. This could potentially change the amount of resources he receives from the school district, and it has an influence on his ability to be included in various other state & federal programs for "disabled" kids. (I hate that label). The challenge for these types of assessments is to grade your own child as bad as you possibly can. Don't give them the benefit of the doubt that they can do something on their own. If you think they may struggle doing something for themselves then you must grade them low. It goes against everything that we, as parents, hope for our children - they they CAN do things and that if they did it once they can do it again. It's not fun to spend an hour thinking of your child in this derogatory context. 
• On a more cheerful note - tonight I start packing for a trip! This trip will be good because I'm combining work AND pleasure. First, bright and early Saturday I'm flying to Boston to spend 3 nights with my BFF. We are spending the first night in Boston at a hotel and going out with friends. Woo-hoo! Then going to her house in New Hampshire until Tuesday morning when I fly down to Washington, D.C. My company has a office just outside of Washington that I travel to a couple times a year. While there I have plans to get together with two more friends and hang out with the co-workers at that office. Fun stuff! I'll be exhausted on the flight home but it should be a busy & fun week.
• The day after I get home is my husband's birthday. What to do, what to do. I know I need to take him shopping for his gift (he has requested sunglasses) but I should think of something else. He likes a big to-do. Hmmm. I'll probably make cake balls, at least.
• Is it too early to start looking forward to our annual summer vacation in July??

Pity party, table for 1

On Friday I was very happy to spend some time just being a mom, see my post here: My warring dualities. Then I took yesterday off and wrote a blog, had lunch with my hubby and picked up my kids from school again. The kids were happy, I was happy, and the hubby was happy. I thought about how much happier we all were and I've come to a decision.

I WANT TO BE A STAY AT HOME MOM. 

(The louder I say it the more likely it will come true, right? One more time. )

I WANT TO BE A STAY AT HOME MOM.

Or a work part-time from home mom. I'm happy to pick up a little income here and there as I can. 

I want to take care my my kids, my husband and my house. I want to get my home life in order. I want to have the time and energy to focus on just those things for a while. I need it. My family needs it. 

I would be a good SAHM. I would have a routine. Certain days I would clean house. Certain days I would do laundry. I would make time to exercise every day. I would turn the music up LOUD and not worry about anybody seeing me work out.

I would write on this blog more, and possibly write something else. I would pay bills, clean, clean, clean, and work on projects like the closets or washing all the windows. I would run all the errands I don't have time to do now, and do the grocery shopping too.

I want to be there for my son EVERY TIME he needs me in class. Both of them, really, but in particular for my Autistic guy. When he has a bad start to his day I want the freedom to be there with him as long as he needs me. I want to pick him up from school so I get the low-down from his teachers every day. 

I would be an advocate for my son and for Autism education and support in my state. 

Every day after school I would talk to my boys. I would give them an after school snack, talk about their day with them, and get them started on homework. I would start dinner while we talk so that we can eat dinner early and get a walk before bath and bedtime.

Yes, I do know that to a certain extent I am idealizing being a stay at home mom, but I also know that whatever came up I would be able to deal with it. I'm a good multi-tasker and I can make adjustments on the fly. I know it's a lot of work. I know it.

I'm gone from my house and family 10 hours a day and it's not working for me right now. I need more of the kids in my daily life. I need more "me" in my daily life. I want to write. I want to be the best mom and person I can be. I need a change in my life - my career and my health demand it - and I think this could be it.

I WANT TO BE A STAY AT HOME MOM. 

P.S. Now that I have made this decision if someone could please hire my husband at an exorbitant salary so that I can make my SAHM dreams come true I would be ever so grateful. 

Oh the pressure

So do you remember that scene in Pretty Woman where Vivian (Julia Roberts) and her roommate, Kit, are talking about how it's possible to have the fairytale? Kit insists it's possible and Viv says "Tell me one person it's worked out for", and Kit says, "What, you want me to name someone? You want like a name? Oh, god, the pressure . . . of a name. I got it! Cinderf&%#inrella!"

I have two points I want to make about that:

1. That's how I feel trying to "birth" this blog - oh the pressure . . . of the words. What should I say? I feel compelled to start it though I have no clear purpose or any particular knowledge to impart. The plan for this blog is yet unplanned. I hope it will be my outlet. When I have something to say I can say it here. One day it will have pictures and the next it will have a poem, or a rant. I thought I might have a clear purpose, a theme, but the more I thought about it the more I realized I'm just a bit too random to adhere to a theme. Everyday will be different - a topic du jour, so to speak.

2. I think a lot of what I write about will be my life and all the trials and tribulations therein. My life as a mom, a wife, and just how, exactly, to be super woman. (I'll let you know when I get that one figured out - should be happening any minute now). I think the most obvious theme if, in fact, there is a theme at all, is there is no one happy ending - there are LOTS of them - and we learn as we go. They aren't all about being rescued (though some are, and for those I'm grateful) but some happy endings are just about an increased awareness, or perception, of a situation that allows us to ascend to the next chapter in our lives. Growing up? Yes, maybe. Growing in knowledge and experience? Definitely.

So - if you are up for it, come along with me and let's figure out a few things, okay? 

Ciao!