What in the H - E - double hockey sticks is wrong with me??

I can't get any freakin' work done! I don't wanna. 

I don't wanna pay the bills.

I don't wanna work on the stinkin' IEP paperwork. Seriously, kill.me.now. 

I don't wanna wash the dishes or fold the laundry.

I don't wanna do my work work. Even when I'm at work. Cuz, you know, I'm kinda over this whole working for living thing. I wanna be home with my babies - see. (Who aren't babies, but they're MY babies so, whatever).

I wanna write. I wanna be creative. I wanna bake stuff. 

I wanna read blogs and play on Twitter all day and marvel at all the awesome women out there. Can't I get paid (an exorbitant amount) to do that? Why not?

It's 8 pm - do you think the kids have noticed they haven't had dinner yet? I don't hear yelling, screaming, or painful starvation moans. In any case, I need to get my freakin' arse off the internets and do something productive. 

SO THERE. 

BYE. 

(I'll be back - don't worry. I knew you were worrried). 

P.S. I CAN say hell. See? Hell. But H - E - double hockey sticks is more fun, don't you agree?

Why isn't it Friday?

I have seriously lived a week in 2 days. Now, I consciously know that it isn't Friday yet, but I just feel it should be considering everything that's gone on the last few days. But then I thought, "At least it's Wednesday. Only 2 more days." Dude, it's Tuesday. TUESDAY. 3 more days. 3. 

See, the problem is my work. It's different this week and that throws me off. We have 2 clients visiting. One from Brasil (as he tells me to spell it) and the other from Argentina. The one from Argentina doesn't speak great English and, I think, understands even less. Fun. The one from Brasil speaks Portuguese, English fairly well (except for the occasional, "uh, uh, how you say _____"), and some Spanish. Today I spent 6 hours talking. Like non-stop. Tomorrow we have another half day, at least, with them. 

The thing is, it's just constantly being with them, entertaining, socializing, being positive and blah, blah, blah. My people bucket gets too full. We spent hours out to dinner last night. Tonight I had to go to a school function for Bubba. My people bucket has runneth-the-hell-over.

Buenos noches amigos. Hasta mañana!

Pity party, table for 1

On Friday I was very happy to spend some time just being a mom, see my post here: My warring dualities. Then I took yesterday off and wrote a blog, had lunch with my hubby and picked up my kids from school again. The kids were happy, I was happy, and the hubby was happy. I thought about how much happier we all were and I've come to a decision.

I WANT TO BE A STAY AT HOME MOM. 

(The louder I say it the more likely it will come true, right? One more time. )

I WANT TO BE A STAY AT HOME MOM.

Or a work part-time from home mom. I'm happy to pick up a little income here and there as I can. 

I want to take care my my kids, my husband and my house. I want to get my home life in order. I want to have the time and energy to focus on just those things for a while. I need it. My family needs it. 

I would be a good SAHM. I would have a routine. Certain days I would clean house. Certain days I would do laundry. I would make time to exercise every day. I would turn the music up LOUD and not worry about anybody seeing me work out.

I would write on this blog more, and possibly write something else. I would pay bills, clean, clean, clean, and work on projects like the closets or washing all the windows. I would run all the errands I don't have time to do now, and do the grocery shopping too.

I want to be there for my son EVERY TIME he needs me in class. Both of them, really, but in particular for my Autistic guy. When he has a bad start to his day I want the freedom to be there with him as long as he needs me. I want to pick him up from school so I get the low-down from his teachers every day. 

I would be an advocate for my son and for Autism education and support in my state. 

Every day after school I would talk to my boys. I would give them an after school snack, talk about their day with them, and get them started on homework. I would start dinner while we talk so that we can eat dinner early and get a walk before bath and bedtime.

Yes, I do know that to a certain extent I am idealizing being a stay at home mom, but I also know that whatever came up I would be able to deal with it. I'm a good multi-tasker and I can make adjustments on the fly. I know it's a lot of work. I know it.

I'm gone from my house and family 10 hours a day and it's not working for me right now. I need more of the kids in my daily life. I need more "me" in my daily life. I want to write. I want to be the best mom and person I can be. I need a change in my life - my career and my health demand it - and I think this could be it.

I WANT TO BE A STAY AT HOME MOM. 

P.S. Now that I have made this decision if someone could please hire my husband at an exorbitant salary so that I can make my SAHM dreams come true I would be ever so grateful.