To his credit he doesn't sigh or roll his eyes (maybe 8 (almost 9) is too young for that), but he says, "Okay Mom! Love you!" and bounds out of the car with nary another thought for me or the message I'm trying to impart.
As I drive away, I often think about all the good things I want for him (to be honest, I often think of Starbucks and how conveniently located it is to his school as well).
What does that mean - be the best you that you can be? Let's think about that for a minute.
Does it mean to be kind, understanding and attentive to others? Yes, obviously.
Does it mean to listen and learn and be present (in all senses of the word) to what happens during the course of the day? Yes, absolutely.
That's what I want for him - my clever, cute, quirky son.
If I turn that around and put the focus on myself - what does that mean for me? My expectations for myself extend far beyond the expectations I have for my son.
Am I being the best Stef - mom, wife, woman - that I can be? The answer is a resounding NO.
These are the steps I think I need to take to get there. Bear in mind this list may be revised. Often.
- Health. I need to work on my health. I don't know if I am brave enough to go into more detail than that, here - yet - but I need the strength, the confidence, the determination, support and encouragement to do it. Please. I'm starting already - baby steps.
- Outlook. Positivity. Glass half full-ness. Looking on the bright side. Finding the silver lining. Because, when it comes down to it, does bitching about something help? At all? The negativity weighs me down and I'm not having it anymore. Dunzo.
- Self-awareness and positive personal growth. Focusing on the me-ness. Really knowing who I am - what makes me tick, sets me off, calms me down, etc. What I excel at and what I suck at. Then embracing the me-ness and the stuff I love about me. This blog is going a long way towards that goal.
- Love. Give it all, to everyone, in abundant boundless bundles. To my family, to my friends, to strangers. I don't know anything, any situation, any problem - ANYTHING - that isn't improved with a little love and a big, open heart.
Tomorrow, when you check your face in the mirror - at home, driving to work, or in a passing car window reflection - just pause for a second and ask yourself, "Am I being the best me that I can be?" I hope the answer is yes; if not, make your own list and get on with it, sister!
I think this is VITAL. Really the old saying about filling your own cup before you can fill anyone else's is so true. I have found, especially in this last week, that finding my inner creative self again has been so important to how I FEEL. About everything. I'm more patient. More enthusiastic. More accomplished all around. And knowing what I want and need from my life, from Matt, really helps to create healthy boundaries. We, as women, become so tied to what every one else needs and wants we forget what we need and want. Bravo.
ReplyDeleteYes, you are so right. I need to feel that creativity again. This blog is one avenue for that - but I'm itching for a physical project and I'm pretty sure that project is going to be my bedroom overhaul. Very soon. Got to get the hubby on-board first though. I need to feel that accomplishment!
ReplyDeleteThe timing of this post is impeccable. I've had a rough day with this thought today. You know that I have been working hard to make positive changes to my life and to 'me' this year. And most of the time, especially with the kids, I believe I'm doing the best I possible can and being the best ME I possibly can be.
ReplyDeleteIn a completely random sentence (which I'll keep to myself) between Chicken Little movie commentary this morning, David made it quite clear that my best ME just isn't good enough. So I had a few pity turned to guilt tears and now just feel at a complete loss.
Guess I'll have to read your blog about 3 more times and figure out what's missing and what I do to make the 'best' me 'enough' me.
Sweetie, we are all just trying our best. That's all we, or you, can do. Thinking about and making a plan for how to be the best is what works for me, today, but that might not be the same for you. You can't judge your worth as a person or your success as a mom, or woman, based on the comments of a 6 year old. His perception of life is very skewed. As a mom you protect him from some stuff and that's a good thing. That's you being a good mom. Don't beat yourself up. Just keep loving them and supporting them with your words and your hugs and your positive example. When you figure out what makes the best YOU then it has to be for YOU - not for them. Mwah! Love you.
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