My warring dualities

I am a full-time working mom with a fairly demanding job. I work until 6:30-7 (or later) every night. Most nights when I get home I clean the kitchen and make dinner and help with homework if needed. Or, like last night, assist in the filling out, folding, stuffing, and stickering of Valentine's. Then there's the whole getting the kids ready for bed thing. The hubby freaks out if the kids' room is messy at night so it has to be picked up. Every. Night. Then sometimes I'll sit down at my desk and work even more.

This is my daily life. 

But some days, like today, I get to enjoy the other side of me that I don't get to tap into very often during the working day. I got be a mom, just a mom, for a while this afternoon. It was wonderful. 

My little guy was diagnosed as High-Functioning Autistic as well as ADHD a couple years ago. It wasn't a shock - we knew it was something. My 3rd grader is ADHD too; the hubby and most of his family are as well so I suppose it's no surprise that the kids inherited that gene. Back to Jamie, my bubba - he's really the cutest kid. Sweet and so loving. He's my little cuddle-bug. He's learning so much. Maybe we have always low-balled him because of the Autism, but when he does something well (that is learning level appropriate) we are just ecstatic. Maybe it's because we're scared he's going to go backwards instead of forwards. Each time he reaches a milestone we are over the moon. 

He can seem normal. Sometimes he acts like any other 1st grader. But there are definitely situations we have to deal with more carefully than we would with our other son. Like when we know that his class will be doing something out of the ordinary we have to prepare him for it in advance. Talk it up to him several times and make him aware of everything that's going to happen. Sometimes I think we forget to do that as much as we should. 

It really shouldn't have been a surprise when he started being belligerent and difficult this morning. Right before leaving to go to school he got very upset because he didn't like the way his hair looked and started insisting that it be parted the other way and beating his own head with the brush. I soothed him as best I could, and then I left to take the 3rd grader to school before going on to work. The hubby called 30 minutes later and said it took him 20 minutes to get Jamie calmed down and into his class (tardy, of course). I thought, oh boy, that does not bode well for the rest of the day.

So I called the school to find out when Jamie's class party was going to be. Then I looked at my schedule and decided I could make it work. I left the office at 2:30 and, oh, I can't tell you how liberating it was! (I swear I would be an awesome stay at home mom. I would, I really, really would.) Jamie was SO excited when I walked into class. I got to watch him interact with his friends and play games and he did it all so well! You wouldn't have known he was different. My heart swelled.

When the party was over we picked up the 3rd grader and decided to get a Redbox family movie to watch on this lovely Friday night. As I was driving down the road at 4 pm with my kids chattering in the backseat I must say I was as happy as I have ever been. Oh, we have problems aplenty and I like working . . . but, really, none of that mattered at that moment. 

Yes, I would be a very good stay at home mom indeed.

I am not an idiot

Really, I'm not. Some people even think I'm pretty smart. (When I whip their asses at Trivial Pursuit and Scrabble, specifically).

I do a pretty good job at work and I kinda know what I'm talking about most of the time. I can recite Shakespearean poetry from heart (no, not ALL of it - just enough). I know that the Democratic Republic of Congo used to be called Zaire, that there is a difference between their, there and they,'re, and I know all about the symbolism in Jan Van Eyck's Arnolfini Wedding Portrait. That's it, right here:

This is hanging in my living room

So here's my confession. I HATE dealing with financial matters. I feel completely incapable of doing it. I think I should be doing so much to further our financial growth but I don't know what to do or how to do it. My only consolation is it boggles my husband's brain even more than it does mine. He's the creative type, you see. So the job falls to me. 

It's okay, for the most part. I generally do a good job. In times when we are lean it's usually due to circumstances and not some catastrophic planning on my part. I pay the bills monthly(ish) - as the money comes in from my job and the hubby's freelance work (which is, by nature, somewhat sporadic). I understand the basic concept: have more come in than you have going out. We're working on that. 

I'm sure we could have made better decisions in the past. I know we could have. But we have a nice house - not new, but nice and good-sized - and we have cars made in the last 10 years. I don't regret any of those purchases (though I do wish the housing market hadn't plummeted three years after we bought our house). 

My quandary is long-term planning. Making goals and sticking to them. Having willpower to look to the future and say, "no, I don't want to make this purchase today because it will impact our ability to take a vacation in 2 years". This is my struggle. 

I will go without incidentals for myself quite easily; where I run into trouble is I too often rationalize things for my family. I want things for my kids. I want to see their enjoyment. I want to take them to Disneyland because I grew up going there and I feel guilty for moving them so far away.

We went to our CPA today. Our Taxman with a capital "T". I love him. He makes me happy every year. In 4 weeks I will temporarily be financially stress-free and I will revel in it - probably too much - for a very brief period until I pay some stuff and buy some other needed stuff and then we'll be back to status quo.

So tell me - are you the money person in your family? What do you do to make your financial goals and keep them?

A Room of One's Own

Virginia Woolf said:

A woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction.

When we moved to our current house 5 years ago my boys were 2 & 3 years old. They shared a room, and still do, because I insisted that the other bedroom should be a guest room. I was convinced my family and friends from back home in California would come visit a lot. Well, my mom comes 2 or 3 times a year and occasionally our buddy Brittain stays so late he sleeps over. All in all not a lot of usage.

I have always had a workspace of my own, but my desk was tiny and it had been shuttled from room to room whenever I needed to make space for something else. First it was in the toy room/animal room/catch-all. Then a corner of the living room. Then our bedroom. I never had a space where I could really put my stuff out and let it just be. Then I got a docking station and laptop for work and sadly the contraption didn't even fit on my tiny desk. Obviously something needed to change. 

Enter my husband. Sometimes he has the best ideas. As I was lamenting my lack of space he simply said, "why do we need a dedicated guest room? Let's turn it into your office and just move the hide-a-bed couch in there in case we have guests." And it was as simple as that! Brilliant!

Well, not quite so simple - but nearly. First we moved the queen size bed to the garage in pieces. Then I took stock and figured out what I would need to make this nearly bare room into an office and we headed out to the thrift stores. Yes, thrift stores. I ended up getting a new desk for $27 and a new lampshade for $1.50 to go with a hand-me-down lamp and shelf. I already had an old file cabinet and a shelving unit my uncle built with his bare hands a long, long time ago. The only thing I bought new were some storage boxes and a rolling cart of drawers. The storage boxes I got at Ross on clearance for a steal. I love a good deal. 

I moved everything in and got it setup over the space of a couple weekends.

Where the magic happens

It was nighttime when I took this pic, but I also have a wonderful view of my front yard. I have several times banged on the window when I caught my kids climbing on top of cars in our driveway or dodging cars in the street. They are boys. I don't have a better explanation for it. They DO know better.  

See the storage boxes?

With the bed open

I'm so happy to say that I now have a room of my own. Shortly after moving into my new space I started this blog. Coincidence? I think not. Thank you for the inspiration, Ms. Woolf. Maybe when I have money I can write fiction, but for now you get me and my laptop composing the narrative of my days.

Food & Drink

FOOD

I have been asked for this recipe several times lately so I thought I would just share it here. It's super easy to make, and quick, but you probably don't keep some of these ingredients on hand. At least I don't! But it's worth it. 

I can't take credit for this - I got it from my friend Jenni's mom. 

Mexican Chicken Corn Chowder

2 whole chicken breasts
1 onion (chopped)

2 garlic cloves (chopped)
1 Tbsp. of oil

Saute chicken, onion & garlic in oil until chicken is cooked through. (Do it in a large pot so you don't have to dirty two pans!) Cube the chicken when cooked and put back in the pot.

Add:
2 cans creamed corn
2 cups half & half
2 cups monterey jack cheese, shredded
1 can diced green chiles
2 tsp. cumin (to taste)

Bring to a simmer and add:
A splash of hot sauce (to taste)
Chopped fresh cilantro (to taste)

If the soup seems thin it can be thickened with corn starch. We like to make it thick and then eat it with tortilla chips. Totally YUM. 

DRINK (of the alcohol variety)

Now, I'm not a huge drinker. Really, 3 is usually my limit and I'm such a control-freak that I tend to always opt to be the designated driver. In the past I have never been one to try shots; I just wasn't into drinking to get drunk - and what else is the purpose of a shot?? 

Well, our good friend Brittain introduced me to a shot that I love. It's sweet and sour and I can drink them down almost like water. (Not really, but, almost). Try this. I make 2 cups of this at a time and keep it in the fridge. You know, for emergencies. 

Chocolate Cake Shots

1/2 shot citrus vodka 

1/2 shot Frangelico hazelnut liqueur 

sugar-crusted lemon wedges

Mix equal parts vodka and Frangelico into a shot glass. Drink the shot, and follow it immediately by sucking on a sugar-coated lemon wedge.

Two of my favorite things. Enjoy!